


Flutter.

by Michaelssw0rd



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Light Angst, Magic Revealed, Merlin & Morgana Friendship (Merlin), Morgana deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28769238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaelssw0rd/pseuds/Michaelssw0rd
Summary: Merlin could watch Morgana get consumed by the nightmares that woke her up screaming; could watch her suffocate on her fear of the magic buzzing underneath her skin.He could continue seeing her go down a dark path until she lost the ability to even recognize herself.Or he could choose to help her.
Relationships: Merlin & Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 107
Collections: Merlin Tiny Reverse Bang





	Flutter.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Merlin Tiny Reverse Bang.
> 
> As people who have heard me whine (almost constantly) know, writer's block is still very much real and lingering. But Tabby created this BEAUTIFUL STUNNING ART PIECE that just.... moved all the right strings in my heart. I HAD to write this, had to write Morgana getting some much needed guidance and love rather than the gaslighting Gaius always provided her with.
> 
> Thank you for your beautiful Art Tabby. Its STUNNING. I hope the fic is something you like too <3

“Just a minute,” Morgana called out from inside her chambers in response to Merlin’s knock. Shifting his weight on his legs, Merlin waited.

When she opened the door, Merlin caught a glimpse of her chaotic chambers that she quickly hid by coming outside and closing the door. She could do nothing to hide her own disheveled appearance and exhausted eyes though.

Instead of commenting on it, Merlin smiled, offering her the vial in his hand. “Gaius sent this, to help with your sleep.”

A slightly relieved smile appeared on her lips, before withering away. She had been receiving the potions for weeks, and they didn’t seem to be helping.

“Thank you, Merlin.” Morgana took the vial anyway. “If that would be all…”

“Morgana,” Merlin started. At Morgana’s raised eyebrows, he corrected himself. “My lady, are you alright?”

An involuntary and self-deprecating laugh left Morgana’s lips, before she composed herself. “I am fine,” she lied. “Why do you ask?”

Instead of replying, Merlin gave her a pointed once over, and glanced at the door behind her, implying the situation in the room. She looked flustered for a moment, before summoning her veil of cold anger and haughtiness and wrapping herself in it.

“As I said, I am fine,” she said, turning away. “Convey my gratitude to Gaius… for his help.”

She was pretending to be fine, to be strong. It was far too easy for Merlin to see under that guise. It was the guise Merlin wore every day.

Underneath it, Morgana was being consumed by anger and guilt and fear and confusion. Putting her to sleep would only give more time for those demons to gnaw at her insides and claw deeper inside her heart.

He could let her go into her chamber, sleep under the influence of the potion and wake up terrified of the magic that buzzed under her skin; or he could show her a different path.

In the seconds between Morgana opening her door and stepping inside, Merlin made his decision.

“Wait,” Merlin placed a hand on her sleeve, stopping her. “The potion won’t help.”

Morgana stopped, turning her face slightly. “I know,” she said. “I am beginning to suspect nothing can.”

She sounded disheartened, like she had given up on ever feeling better. It only strengthened Merlin’s resolve.

Merlin swallowed against the lump of fear and guilt of his own, and said. “I can.”

* * *

Merlin didn’t know what he was expecting, but he sure as hell didn’t expect this. Anger, denial, confusion or relief… Merlin braced himself for any or all of those emotions as he started talking. Morgana didn’t display any of them. In fact, she didn’t show any emotions at all. She just sat there, stunned and speechless, as Merlin told to her that she had magic. That _he_ too had magic.

It was almost like Morgana couldn’t even understand the language anymore.

Merlin sat down on the bed, dejected and more than a little afraid. If Morgana started screaming, he knew he would be on the pyre the next day.

Distantly, he thought about how annoyed Arthur would be to realize he had to find a new manservant now.

It was then that he thought about the butterflies. Not so much for Morgana as for himself, to give himself some comfort when his heart was beating so hard in his chest that it threatened to come out. Merlin had gotten into a habit of creating them, having them fly around and glitter, whenever he felt particularly lost. Right now, he could use them. So, he hoped, could Morgana.

He closed his palms together and with a whisper of magic, he thought of the beautiful flapping wings. When he opened his palms, a tiny blue butterfly flapped its wings. If Merlin could read expressions—if butterflies even had expressions—Merlin was sure it was smiling.

In response, Merlin smiled too. He always did.

The butterfly took flight a moment later, fluttering around Merlin and then moving away. Merlin noticed it moved towards Morgana, who was looking at it in awe. On her lips, for the first time since Merlin had seen her that evening, was a tiny tentative smile.

The butterfly hovered in front of Morgana, until Morgana raised her hand, palms forward. Almost like it was waiting for it, the butterfly flew forward to settle on Morgana’s hand, looking at her.

Morgana looked back.

For a few long moments, nobody said a word. In the quiet, Merlin could almost _hear_ the flap of the butterfly’s wings. In the absolute stillness, he could _feel_ the movement of wind with it.

“That’s magic?” Morgana asked, though it did not sound like a question.

“Yes,” Merlin answered anyway.

“It…” She finally tore her eyes away from the butterfly and looked at Merlin, with hope and awe shining in thin film of water in her eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

* * *

“Focus, Morgana,” Merlin repeated as Morgana held her palms open over a candle, trying to light it up.

“I _am_ focusing,” Morgana looked up at him and the fiery anger inside her eyes made Merlin take a step back.

“Sorry,” he said, before coming closer again. “I know you can feel it, the magic under your skin. I can see it struggling to get out, you just have to let it.”

It seemed to pacify Morgana, and she closed her eyes again and tried to focus on the candle wick. Merlin watched, but even as he did so, he knew something was wrong. Morgana was focused, yes, but she was also closed off. She had no crack from which the magic could come out; yet all that while, it built inside her.

“Relax,” Merlin said, and watched Morgana let out a long breath. With that, the candle wick flickered. “Yes, relax and let it out.”

Just as she had started relaxing, she tensed up again, opening her eyes.

“I can’t,” she said quietly.

“No, no, no!” Merlin protested vehemently. “You can! You almost did. The magic is _right there_. You just have to direct it towards the candle.”

“I told you, I can’t.” She stood up, looking away from Merlin.

“Morgana…”

“We have been trying for weeks, Merlin. Have you ever considered that maybe I just can’t do magic.”

“You can, Morgana. I promise you. You just have to let it come out and do its thing.”

“I can’t.” Morgana turned around to face him again, and there was so much fire in Morgana’s eyes that it terrified Merlin for a moment.

“Morga—”

“ _I can’t!”_ Morgana raged, and with those words, the fire in her eyes flowed outwards in a wave of rage and lit up every candle in the room, making them flare brightly before dying out.

Merlin shut up and watched as Morgana looked around at the room in disbelief. He stood there, in dismay, as tears welled up in Morgana’s eyes.

Before he could come up with any form of consolation or support, Morgana collapsed on her bed.

“Leave,” she said.

Merlin opened his mouth to argue, but she quieted him with a look.

With a nod and a bow, he left the room, knowing they would try again the next day.

* * *

They sat, huddled around the fire. Morgana had wrapped her arms around her knees and was hiding her face between them.

Merlin watched the way the fire embers cracked and withered away, beautiful in their tiny moment of brilliance which led up to their death.

They seemed to have hit a roadblock. Merlin couldn’t teach Morgana, if she didn’t let herself feel her own magic. He had told her as much, and it had only led her to close herself off even more, hiding inside herself.

At Merlin’s entreaty, Morgana had made an excuse of needing fresh air, and had commandeered Arthur’s manservant to keep her company. Arthur had sputtered and argued, but Morgana’s haughty glare had shut him up. Merlin thought that maybe being away from the castle, from the fear of the witch hunt and from the walls which—if you lingered on the thought long enough—still reeked of the smell of burnt flesh, would help Morgana embrace her magic. They had been trying for hours, and all Morgana could manage was flickers of embers, and violent flaring of it; at times too timid, and at others, out of control.

Merlin was dragged out of thoughts by Morgana saying something quietly.

“Did you say something?” Merlin asked because her voice had been lost in the quiet of the forest.

Morgana nodded without lifting her head, but didn’t say anything for a while.

“I said, I am scared.”

Merlin startled where he was sitting, and then sagged.

“I know.”

“I am so scared, Merlin,” She admitted, finally looking up. “Every time I feel it, the magic, bubbling under my fingertips… the fear grips my heart so tightly I can’t even breathe.”

“The King won’t harm you.” Merlin didn’t know if he believed that, but he said it nonetheless.

“Maybe,” she said, “Maybe he wouldn’t. But what if I harm _him_ … what if I want to?”

Oh.

Morgana wasn’t just scared for herself. She was also scared _of_ herself.

Merlin scooted closer to Morgana. When she didn’t flinch, he placed his hand on her clasped ones.

“My lady,” he said, and waited for her to look at him. “I am scared too. I am always scared. Of what might happen to me. Of what I might do. Of the things I want to do and know I am capable of.”

Morgana looked at him, weighing his words.

“How do you…?” she asked, not being able to specify what she was asking.

“I use it. I use that fear, channel it into my magic. Everything I feel, all the guilt, anger, regret and love… it is as much a part of me as my magic. It’s not possible to separate the two. So I don’t try to.”

Morgana didn’t say anything, still waiting for it to make sense.

Merlin smiled. “And when I am particularly troubled, I make butterflies,” he said after a long break. “They are made from my fear, but are free of it. Free to fly, free to exist and live as they want to.”

She looked away from him and back at the fire. The reflection of the embers was almost like the glow of magic in her eyes. She stared at the fire until it died down, until it was dark and it was time to go back.

When Merlin stood up to head back towards Camelot, Morgana stood up as well. Quietly, she closed her palms, standing solemnly. Merlin held his breath as Morgana closed her eyes and focused.

The air around them shifted as Merlin felt the stirrings of magic inside Morgana. She stayed there, calm and silent, until she opened her palms.

Half a dozen glittering blue butterflies fluttered out of her palm. She opened her eyes, wet with a sheen of unshed tears, glowing with the passing embers of magic, and watched the butterflies fly freely the way she obviously ached to.

Slowly, a smile formed on Morgana’s lips. Merlin knew the smile on his own lips was mirroring hers.

She looked at him, with a hint of pride and a deep ocean of hope inside her gaze. Merlin felt the same hope igniting inside his heart as well.

Maybe the pathways of destiny didn’t need to be shifted dramatically. Maybe all they needed were the delicate flaps of butterfly wings to change the tide of things to come.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> The art can be found on tumblr [HERE](https://merrowbell.tumblr.com/post/639947206148980736/morgana-deserves-some-soft-magic-i-think)  
> Give it and the amazing artist LOTS AND LOTS of love <3
> 
> (and let me know what you thought of the fic too, if you guys have time and can. I am very insecure about writing this, specially as I have rarely ever written a no-ship fic)


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